Leadership Lies - The Myths and Realities
The stories we tell ourselves shape our reality. This blog is about the leadership lies we have been told and how we can find the truth underneath them.
Here are the top leadership lies I want to blow out of the water:
Leaders are born
Leaders can’t show emotions
Leaders need to be loud
Leaders need to be the expert
Leaders don’t need to be finishers
Leadership is lonely
Read on to find out why these are lies and what the truth of leadership is.
Do you think I missed one? I’d love to hear about it, you can use the contact section at the top of the page to send it to me.
Leaders are born
This one speaks for itself. I’ve yet to meet a newborn with leadership skills.
Every day I meet people with untapped leadership potential. They have the leadership skill set and are willing to work to grow their leadership muscle. This requires hard work. You need to look at yourself first, grow and develop and learn from your mistakes. This is hard because learning from your mistakes requires you to admit you have made a mistake in the first place.
I find it incredibly frustrating when I hear someone referred to as a “natural” leader. It completely ignores the hard work they have done and turns it into some mysterious gift that was bestowed upon them.
Leadership might seem to sit easier on someone’s shoulders - but don’t forget the work they put in to grow and develop their leadership skills. The easier they make it look, the harder they have worked for it.
2. Leaders Can’t Show Emotion
While the first leadership lie is a bit silly, this one is downright dangerous.
We need leaders who can role model how to display emotion appropriately and maturely.
We need leaders who understand emotions are data, to be aware of the signal or input they are receiving and then choose how they want to respond.
We need leaders who can recognise emotions in others and support them in choosing how to respond.
What we don’t need is leaders who show no emotion. Or leaders who use anger and fear to control their team.
This quote from Epictetus, a Greek Stoic philosopher, covers it nicely “Any person capable of angering you becomes your master”.
3. Leaders need to be the expert
I’ve come across “leaders” who won’t employ people with a higher qualification than them.
I’ve also had a job applicant ask me if it was a problem that they had a higher qualification than I did. They had clearly faced this issue before.
The idea that you can only lead from a place of knowledge is a lie. And it’s a lie that keeps your leadership and your company small. Instead, let your people be the subject matter experts, hire and train them to know more than you and then let them do their job. This lets you become the expert in getting your team to work in synergy.
4. Leaders don’t need to be finishers
This lie is based on the idea that leaders come up with the idea and then others follow behind and execute it.
Honestly, anyone can come up with a good idea, success comes in the execution. Completing and embedding the idea so that it stays put long after you are gone.
This lie suggests leadership doesn’t require discipline - but it does.
Leadership requires the discipline of holding yourself to account first and doing what you say you are going to do. This requires discipline.
James Clear covers this in his book Atomic Habits, he states “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fail to the level of your systems”.
As a leader, you need to hold yourself to account, have discipline and be a finisher.
5. Leaders must be loud
I’m an extrovert, big surprise for those who have met me.
This has a massive impact on my leadership, especially when leading introverts.
Susan Cain’s book “Quiet” was a game-changer for me. Susan describes how we pedestal extrovert leaders in Western society at the detriment of productivity, leadership and success in general.
I was fortunate to come across Susan’s book early in my leadership journey at a time when most of my direct reports were introverts.
It changed how I called meetings, how I ran meetings and even how we brainstormed as a group.
I learned the power of silence and how leaders need to be quiet to let the brilliance of their team come out.
6. Leadership is lonely
It can feel lonely at the top but it doesn’t have to. You can be part of your team while leading them. Share your hopes and dreams and also your disappointments with your team. Role modeling how to share emotions and express vulnerability fosters trust within your team.
Make time to develop relationships outside of your leadership structure. Whether this is peer support, a social group or a sports team, create relationships that are about more than what you do.
Finding a mentor or coach can also fill this space - particularly if you are after external guidance and perspective.
These are the leadership lies - the myths and stories I once thought true before I found the reality.
Did I miss any?
Let me know the leadership lie you used to believe and what your reality is.
If this blog generated some questions for you, use the link below to book a 20-minute phone call and I’ll answer them.