FEAR 2.0 - the follow-up
This blog is a follow-up to my earlier blog “Do it scared – how to manage your fears” - you may want to read that first for context (there’s a handy link at the bottom of this page).
Do it scared – how to manage your fears was also turned into an article for the Venus Business Network.
I had the privilege to attend four Venus group meetings in Hawke’s Bay to witness the topic being discussed. I asked the questions: “What are you afraid of?” and “How do you manage it?” This blog is a follow-up to those discussions. I would like to thank all those members of Venus who shared both their fears and their management strategies so freely and openly.
Two main themes came up, the first being fear associated with doing something you wanted to do – think bungy jumping, flying and speaking in public - I’ve called this Excitement Fear. The second was fear associated with doing something you didn’t want to do – think having a difficult conversation, delivering bad news or the threat of losing a loved one - I’ve called this Drear Fear. Both of these fears and strategies to tackle them are shared below.
Excitement Fear
The body responds to fear and excitement in the same way, both of these responses send adrenaline coursing through the body – the difference is how the brain interprets it. Fear isn’t logical and it can be difficult when fear shows up associated with something that you want to do. Don’t let it stop you.
Carol Reid (Soulpreneurs) described this as “Fear is excitement without the breath”.
Finding a way to push through your fears and do the things you want can be super rewarding. Having a little mantra that you repeat to yourself to get you going can be useful – here are some of the mantras that were shared.
“This will be good for me”; “Just do it”, “I can do hard things”, and “I’ve got this”.
Asking the question “What’s the worst that can happen?” was another strategy that was shared.
Dread fear
There are times when we have to do hard things. Usually, we don’t choose these things rather the circumstances mean they are necessary. I’ve called this fear “Dread Fear”.
For me, asking for help falls into this space.
Shortly after I started writing this blog my parents were in a car accident just north of Christchurch. This experience is making me look at fear in a different light. One of the hardest things I had to do was ask a friend to look after my children so I could get from Hawke’s Bay to Christchurch. It was hard to ask my children to do this for me. It was hard to see my Dad bruised and battered and to see my Mum hooked up to machines in the ICU. Much of that week was hard.
I have found it helpful to reflect on the recent conversations about how other Venus members manage fear and hard things.
One of the fears that came up during our discussions was the fear of having difficult discussions, in particular disciplinary action discussions. A feeling of “Who am I to be sitting on this side of the table?” was described, as an imposter syndrome reaction to the hard parts of leadership. I found asking the question “If not me then who?” to be helpful. If I don’t have this hard conversation, who will? If I don’t deliver this bad news, who will? If I’m not sitting at this bedside, who will?
I also find the mantra “I can do hard things” is helpful. You need to acknowledge that what you are doing is hard, and also not let it stop you from showing up and doing what needs to be done.
How do you do hard things that scare you?
If you want support on your journey to manage your fears and get the life you deserve, I would love to hear from you. Use the button below to book a “GET A LIFE” call and I’ll take it from there.