Taming your inner critic
A conversation from the Delight Dinner
At our recent Delight Dinner, during the Q&A, someone asked a question that landed deeply in the room:
“What do you do about that harsh inner critic?”
I felt this one in my bones because that used to be me.
For a long time, the way I spoke to myself was brutal. Honestly, I would never talk to another person that way, or tolerate someone else doing it. And yet, I tolerated that same voice inside my own head for years.
The truth is, many high-performing, capable, and compassionate women are living with an internal monologue that’s anything but kind. We power through, hoping it’ll quiet down with success. But it doesn’t. That voice persists, finding new ways to tear us down.
So I shared what I have learned and how I have tamed my inner critic and turned it from something destructive into something beautiful - I’ve turned my inner critic into an inner coach.
Don’t say something to yourself that you wouldn’t say to someone else
The simplest rule: if you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself. That doesn’t mean you never challenge yourself or reflect honestly — it just means you do it with kindness and respect. You are not the exception to the rule of basic decency.
Aim for a 4:1 positivity ratio
This one’s research-backed: healthy relationships thrive on a 4:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. And your relationship with yourself is no different. If your inner dialogue is mostly criticism, it’s no wonder you’re feeling drained. Balance it out. Notice what you did well. Celebrate your effort. Speak encouragement, even if it feels a bit cheesy at first.
Photos captured by Julie Danes
Try a pride journal
Gratitude journals are lovely, but I’ve found something even more powerful for quieting the critic: every evening, write down three things you’re proud of from your day. They don’t have to be big. Maybe you spoke up in a meeting, took a walk instead of scrolling, or responded with patience when you didn’t feel like it. Pride builds confidence. And confidence muffles the critic.
Make a list of what you like about yourself
This one can feel awkward. Do it anyway. Sit down and write out the things you genuinely like about yourself — traits, quirks, strengths, even physical features. Keep adding to it over time. On hard days, this list is your evidence: proof that you are more than your mistakes, more than the voice that says you’re not enough.
Bonus Content
In addition to what I shared on the night, below is an exercise for you to try and a guided meditation to build self-love.
We all have an inner critic. The goal isn’t to silence it completely but it’s time to stop letting it run the show.
And with a little intention, some kind self-talk, and a few new habits, you can build a much better relationship with the person you spend the most time with: you.
If you would like to know more about taming your inner critic or the work I do with my clients, please use the link below to find a time for us to talk.